What Has Possessed Me?

Avery's preschool is very secure. Each family has their own code to get into the building. And the numbers on the keypad scramble so even if someone were watching you enter the code, they wouldn't know what numbers you were entering.

Once you're in the building, there's a touch screen and each parent has their own code to check their child in and out for the day. And lastly, each classroom has a sign-in/out sheet for each child that their parents must also sign in and out with.

Attached to Avery's sign-in/out sheet I've found various things, invitations to birthday parties, notices to pick up soiled or dirty clothes and notices to pick up her artwork. Last week was the first time I found an incident report, which immediately led me to think that she somehow had gotten hurt. Now, if it had been serious, I would have received a call, but this notice was nothing of the sort.

This incident report was because Avery had thrown a rock at her friend. Great.

By the time I pick up Avery, her class is usually outside playing. Once I've signed Avery out and go outside to the play area Avery will notice me, announce to all her friends that I'm there (read=yell for everyone to hear) and come running to me with open arms. This day, she was redirected to sitting by herself in a chair off to the side and reading a book.

When she saw me, she immediately came running and hugged my legs. In a calm, unassuming tone, I asked her if she'd thrown a rock at one of her friends. She looks away and cooly replies, 'No.'

Her shoe's untied, I bend down to her level, look her in the eye and ask her again, then proceed to tie her shoe. As I look back to her for a response, her eyes moisten, her lips quiver and she replies with a tearful 'Yeesssss'. "Do we throw rocks at our friends?" 'Nooooooo', as she hugged my neck hard. 'I'm sorrrryyyyy mmooooommmy!' "Did you say sorry to your friend?" 'Yesssss."

I never raised my voice or even gave her a cross eye, but she was bawling so hard you would have thought I told her she couldn't come home with me and that I was abandoning her right then and there. I picked her up and consoled her, reminding her how we treat our friends and that throwing rocks wasn't OK. We hugged it out some more then headed home.

What struck me most was her reaction. I wasn't expecting such an emotional response. I certainly wanted her to know what she did was wrong, but I obviously didn't have to tell her. She knew and showed remorse. Maybe she was afraid of my reaction; that I would yell and punish her.

Did we put fear in her? Is her reaction a result of good parenting? Was her crying a way of manipulating me into feeling sorry for her? (which I didn't, SO not OK with throwing ANYTHING).

Thoughts?